OwlFeathers
by treadingfire
Summary: Set in a world of rivaling kingdoms and mages. When Namina leaves her old world behind she finds solace, but her dark past will continue to haunt her. A past that may be more than it seems. Can she find the freedom she searches for and save her people? Or will she fall back into the clutches of the man who wants her and her magic for himself? (Based on 'Donkeyskin') Strong PG-13
1. Chapter 1

**OwlFeathers**

**. . .**

Tripping and stumbling through the forest, with only the barest highlights of moonlight to direct my path, I ran.

The feathered cloak around me, while laced with magic to conceal any noise I might make, was barely any protection against the chill. The summer sun had given way to a mighty cold that racked my bones and set my teeth chattering.

_Away._

_Away._

The mantra pulsed in my ears with every pump of my heart.

_Away._

While my own movements were silent as the grave, even with my exertion, my pursuers were not as agile. The snapping of twigs warned that they were nearly on my heels now, hounds on a rabbit chase. A chill once more swept through me as I quickened my pace.

I would not give up just yet. Not when I was so close.

I could not — would not — go back. He would not have me again.

My throat constricted as I clutched my cloak around my shoulders a bit tighter and hefted my small pack. This was my one chance. Should I fail, I would never have freedom. I would never be given another opportunity to escape the horrors I had left behind.

They would make sure of it. _He_ would make sure of it.

The galloping of hooves resonated as if from every direction.

How far was the river supposed to be? One mile? Two? If I could just make it across I could hide. Surely, they'd lose my scent then.

Sweat beaded on my neck and forehead. My sides heaved with exertion, but I kept going.

More of the forest floor was visible now, the trees and foliage thinning out ahead. I was almost to the edge! A garbled triumphant cry escaped my lips as the sky opened before me, only to be cut short.

No.

Where there should have been the flat bank of Metanoea River, I found...nothing.

I stopped at the edge of a bluff, muscles aflame. The river was there below, a snaking mirror echoing the starlight just out of reach, the next thick of the forest resting on the other side. Just a leap of faith away.

But would I survive?

Even if I didn't it would still be worth the fall.

A clamor of noise sounded behind me and I turned. Guards clad in all black manifested as if from the darkness itself.

"There you are." The men smiled as they both slowed their mounts. The baying of dogs and cacophony of voices filled the forest behind them; the others were still looking for me, but these men did not call out for them yet.

Their approach slowed once they saw I was a cornered hare. Easy prey to please their master. A prize worth what I was sure would be a great reward. They would enjoy taking their time.

I backed towards the ledge, trembling. If I returned to the palace, the hell to pay would destroy what little there was left of me. But if I leapt…

"You've nowhere to run." I couldn't tell which man had spoken. One of the men dismounted his horse and reached into his saddlebag, pulling out a length of rope. He took a step forward. "We don't want to hurt you, but we will if we have to."

My resolve solidified into something deep and visceral. I turned, and with just a moments hesitation and a prayer to the All-Mother,

I jumped.

.

At first, there was only white-hot pain and frigid paralyzation as I gracelessly hit the surface of the water, but it wasn't long until it transformed into another sensation:

Weightless freedom.

Swaddled by a blanket of icy water, I was held in the embrace of release soon to come. I was suspended in darkness. It was comforting in its dark way.

The last of my breath escaped my lips, brushing my cheeks in a final caress. Clarity rushed through me. My eyes widened.

I was drowning!

I flailed, trying to grab hold of anything as I tumbled uselessly under the surface of the river, pulled along by momentum and the heaviness of my own clothing. There was no up or down, no sense of direction, only savage panic. I frantically struggled to loose my cloak, but my numb fingers refused to find purchase on the strings.

It was no use.

My body relaxed against my will even as my lungs screamed in my chest. As consciousness faded and the darkness welcomed me home, a cold irony filled my mind:

After everything that had happened, this was a justified end.

This was to be how the mad princess perished.

* * *

_Oh, hello there! OwlFeathers is still alive. If you've read this story before, it has gone through a lot of revision. Not only is it going from 1st person present to 1st person past, but several plot points have been changed to make the story flow better and to add more flavor in order to make the second half of the story make more sense. (which I will also be reposting. All of the first half is written and the second half is completely mapped out and partially written.)_

_If you haven't read this story before, welcome! Come on in! Take a seat! and I hope you enjoy my little story! It's been a little passion project of mine for a long time. And full disclosure, I am no writer. I'm actually an artist/art teacher. So if you see grammar mistakes, feel free to point them out! If you like the story, comment! And if you have recommendations of good stories to read, I am always looking!_

_-Ree_


	2. Chapter 2

**One week Before**

I had stood on the parapet next to Daroth. My uncle's crown encircled his brow. He was king incarnate in the Irisidean royal colors so finely cut. I had been dressed to match. The black dress Daroth had surely picked himself was backless with long pointed sleeves. My long brown hair had been deftly and loosely braided over one shoulder and my diadem sat on my brow. Kohl rimmed my eyes, making the gray of my irises to stand out.

The gray of a tainted soul.

"People of Irisidea, we come together at this time of mourning our beloved King and his adored brother. We are saddened by this turn of events and loss of both King Signor Dorne and High Prince Karthon Dorne. May they both receive rest in eternal hands of the gods. Princess Namina is most heartbroken over the loss of her loved ones, but I have done all I can to be by her side and console her in her time of need as we…"

I tuned out his deceitful words and began studying the crowd. Some of the audience I recognized, most I did not. The handfuls of servants, courtiers, and courtesans I had known all my life were intermingled among hordes of complete strangers from all walks of life. A small group of mages caught my eye where they stood off to the left, their dark purple cloaks shimmering in the bright morning air. These were the few mages who had been cordially invited into the gates of the inner palace for the announcement. While magic was a coveted thing in Irisidea, it did not mean one who possessed it would be praised or paid for the skill outright. Those of lower classes still had to earn their place in the world through hard work and grit. Some with magic, like myself, were lucky enough to be born into positions of power and comfort. Then there were those, like Daroth, who had used their magic to gain place in politics and climb the ladder of social order to find a more comfortable spot. There were many mages scattered throughout the ranks of the court who had done good for themselves, but none so powerful as the one who stood at my side now.

Even I had not had any clue of how great his power was until I had become the target of it.

Daroth continued his rhetoric, explaining to the people, while I stood by his side ever so obediently, that in the case something was to ever happen, the King had instructed that his great kingdom be left in the hands of the Council of the Advisors. As the only advisor now, Daroth would automatically and rightfully assume to the position. My own birthright meant that I was to be Queen Regent to whoever was chosen as my husband. As our relationship was no secret, it seemed a cruel kismet. Placing the rightful heir on the throne along with the High Advisor was a sure way of avoiding any and all rebellion.

I didn't understand how the people could not see the deception before their eyes. He had planned all of this.

They were about to crown a monster.

As Daroth spoke he held my hand. To the people it would look as if we were united in this time of tragedy. We certainly looked the pair, regal and royal as we were dressed. What they could not see was the tightness of the grip that caused me to winced and my knuckles to whiten. The cat and mouse game had long ago been won. I flinched as his renewed grip brought my focus back to the speech and away from my treacherous thoughts.

"…an outright act of war. We are investigating the murder as we speak and if the Gallenians are responsible, we will have our revenge," he continued on.

It was the dumb rhetoric he had made me come up with myself. I hadn't wanted to put the blame of my family's death on the kingdom of Gallen, but a blame had to lay somewhere in order to cast wary eyes away from Daroth and I. It wouldn't have been unbelievable for such a thing to have happened anyway. The strife between the two kingdoms was mounting each hour and the peace treaty signed over twenty-five years ago was nearing its end. If only these precious people knew it was their princess's fault their King was dead. This would be an execution, not a celebration of the impending wedding and coronation.

I didn't know which occasion would've been scarier. Either way I was losing my life.

"We ask you to fear not, dear citizens. I, the High Advisor Daroth, and your beloved Princess Namina will always rule in fairness and goodness. To show our goodwill we shall be hosting a ball in celebration of a new age open to all here in the great city of Renor, with the wedding and coronation to follow the morning after. Then will come the day when we will root out that unspeakable evil and give Irisidea the prosperity it's people deserves."

As he finished speaking, he turned to me and cupped my face in his palm before leaning in for a chaste kiss on the lips. I complied.

All part of the act.

"And I cannot wait for that day." he whispered so only I could hear, the words hot on my cheek. It was a mocking, dark whisper. His nails dug into my jaw ever so slightly.

The crowd of courtiers, mages, and peasants alike exploded into cheers and manifestations of gratitude. While only several hundred people would hear the announcements here at the palace and right outside the gates, the rest would receive it through messengers that would carry the word throughout our small country. Soon everyone would know about next week's events.

One week.

My stomach churned.

I met Daroth's eyes and saw the glint of triumph in their ice blue depths. It ignited the small fire in me that had long ago fizzled out.

I found my voice. "Careful, Advisor. You're simpering. You wouldn't want to go and give yourself away." The words came out with as much venom as I could muster under the circumstances. We waved to the crowd as it began to hush and disperse. All to keep up appearances.

Daroth chuckled at my words, pulling me close.

"And you wouldn't want to anger your future husband, would you? Come, lets not keep our other guests waiting Namina."

His fingers traced my bare back down my spine. I stared at him coolly before pushing his hand from behind my back. He laughed and wrapped the hand around my arm as he led me back into the shadows of the prison I had once called my home.


	3. Chapter 3

I was taught the story of creation, of life and death, by my mother, curled up in her grandiose bed, my head resting against her chest. I would feel more than listen to the words as she stroked my hair.

She would tell me how the ever-watching All-Mother created the world and its inhabitants with the help of the eight nameless gods. After the job was done, They chose to let humanity govern itself, watching ever vigilantly from Their golden realm above, granting a wish here and a boon there. Only interfering when the need had arisen.

As I drifted into unconsciousness, I thought how this would have been the time to ask for such a boon, but there would have been no point. I would've only asked for more time alive, and the answer to that was simple.

I was not dead.

If I were, I would've simply slipped from existence, my soul destroyed for all intents and purposes. The All-mother had no place for one such as I in her realms, for they did not welcome those tied to the darkness.

They did not welcome murderers.

.

Searing pain ripped through my chest. I coughed up water, gasping in the fresh air that grated against my lungs with each inhale — euphoric and excruciating at the same fingers dug into the wet earth below me, anchoring me. I couldn't help the sob of relief as the world rearranged itself. I had not left this plane just yet.

Sensation returned piece by piece: the comforting heat on my face and neck, the whistling of leaves and birdsong, the physical sensation of the rise and fall of my chest as I sucked in deep breaths.

"Missus?"

I opened my eyes.

An old man leaned over me, his leathered face contorted into a grimace. I screamed and scrambled backwards.

He receded, his hands held up at shoulder level — a peaceful gesture if there ever was one. "Whoa there, missus, I was only helpin' ya from the river. Saw a pile of feathers near the bank and thought my dog musta' attacked another goose. I didn't realize you was a girl until I got close enough to fish ya out."

I frowned.

"You pulled me from the river?" Even my voice sounded waterlogged. I coughed again.

The man nodded. "Yes. Just a moment ago. Thought ya were dead, I did. But ya survived," He spoke slowly, raising a brow. His gray hair and beard grew wild. Dirt stained overalls covered a light brown tunic not unlike the one I wore. He couldn't have been more than a farmer.

I had survived! But how? I fingered the hem of my feathered cloak. The force of the fall alone should have killed me.

"Where am I?" My lungs screamed as I spoke, but I pushed past the pain.

"Not far from Elnor."

Elnor. I mulled over the name and brought to mind the maps I had studied during my tutelage.

_Elnor..._

"In the kingdom of Gallen, right?" I asked.

"Yes…" his bushy brows furrowed together, almost meeting. He suspected something. I was sure of it. "Ya musta come from a long ways away then. Irisidea? Parth?"

"Parth." I said too quickly.

I had never been good at lying. Better to tell half-truths and lie through omission than to be caught in a tall tale I would most surely fail to keep up with. "My company was traveling to the capital of Gallen from the flatlands of Irisidea when we crossed the river. I lost my footing and fell. Not too far from here I think my pack is gone too."

He nodded, regarding me shrewdly.

"You look Parth." The comment struck me as funny. While my mother was Parth and one would find my grey eyes and olive skin more the norm in the southern country, there were plenty of people to the north with darker complexions than mine. The Four Kingdoms may have had very different roots, but over the thousand years they had existed, those roots had become intermingled.

As the daughter of an Irisidean prince and a Parth house daughter, I was a prime example of that intermingling.

I raked a hand through my wet hair, pushing it off my brow before struggling to stand to my feet. My boots were waterlogged. I was soaked to the bone and my hands were as wrinkled as dried dates. The man grasped my elbow to help me up. It took all I had not to yank my arm away and cower like the pathetic mess I felt.

I hugged my arms around myself.

If I were in Gallen now, then I could have been underwater anywhere from a few hours to a day or more. The hardest part of my journey was gone just like that. And the fact that I had survived that long in the water…

I marvelled at my luck.

No. Not luck.

_Magic._

"How far to the capitol then?"

"A two weeks journey by horseback. Hopin' to catch up are ya?" he added a tentative smile surely meant to placate me. The mistrust between us was still thick as molasses. I nodded again, finding the dark stains of water in the dirt below me much more riveting than the man's face.

He sighed. "Well there's a party from Gallen City here that'll be headin' back within the day. If we hurry I could get ya passage with them. Won't be cheap though."

The farther into Gallen I could get, the better. Daroth would soon start sending men to the borders of Irisidea and beyond if he hadn't already. They could be mere minutes away for all I knew, waiting to snare me after one wrong move.

"I can pay." I breathed, rifling through the pockets of my cloak until I found the small pouch Mara had procured for me. My pack had been lost in the river. Fortunately my money pouch was safe.

"I'll even give you a wage for arranging it for me."

"A wage, huh?" He watched me with keen interest now. Just like all men, he could be bought for a price. That was something to take note of.

"I only have Irisidean money." The gold coin sat in my open palm, the profile of the late king shining in the morning light. He stared, his eyes going wider and wider. Was that enough? Should I have offered more?

I flinched and added, "I'm part of a group of apothecaries so we go wherever there is illness. Irisidea was having trouble with the Red Plague and we were there for some time."

Again, it was a half-truth. My power over one's soul and body could heal just as easy as a medicine maker when it came to most ailments. And there really had been trouble with the disease in the south, but I had not been allowed to help despite my desires.

He took the coin from my hand and bit it, a gesture I had never understood, before his smile grew genuine. Whether he believed me or not was inconsequential now that money was involved. The gold coin had made its mark.

"Well, allright then. Let's get ya off. The name's Winton."

He wanted a name. Any name. I stumbled over my words, blurting out, "I-I'm Mina."

I flinched at the simple blunder as soon as the name left my lips. Dropping two letters from my name did little to hide my identity. Fortunately, Winton took no notice, still enamored with his payment.

I grimaced, "It's a pleasure."


	4. Chapter 4

"Elnor may not look like much, but come ta' harvest time, it is one of the best places to buy yer goods. The streets o' this small city will be lined with wares from all o'er the Four Kingdoms. Even had late King Xander o' Vinerath grace us once durin' a harvest. I still remember like it was yesterday." Winton's eyes get a dreamy cast about them as he relives the "glory days" in his head. I slipped the still wet owl feathered cloak from my shoulders and held it over one arm.

"That's…nice," I say, not sure how else to reply. I am sure Winton gives this place way too much credit.

"Yes. Yes, it was." He says, still wrapped up in some nostalgia I cannot see.

Elnor was a quaint village at best, but it was more of the "real world" than I had ever seen. The buildings were only a story tall and most of them thatch roofed. Villagers dressed mostly in bland colored cotton and wool. My own clothing, a pale tunic and trousers Mara had stolen from a stablehand, were just plain enough to blend in, though a young woman in trousers wasn't very commonplace.

I avoided making eye contact with anyone, trying to keep my gaze on Winton's back and my pace in line with his. Winton walked with purpose, the gold coin clutched tightly in his age marked hand.

I followed like the lost puppy I was.

We came to a small marketplace made up of wooden stalls with crudely crafted signs and hand dyed curtains. An assortment of baked goods, jewelry, and other items were displayed at each. Hawkers filled the air with their cries of what wares had available, pride ringing with each word as if, yes, they really do have the best sweet rolls you've ever experienced and at half the price of what you'd find elsewhere.

I wanted to explore, to experience the quaintness of it all, but I didn't know how. Nor did I have the time. I needed to move on.

Winton stopped near the edge of the small market and put a hand above his eyes, shielding them from the sun as he looked for something. "The group headin' back to the capitol should be leavin' within the next few hours. Now, it's made up of royal soldiers to the King but with the right amount o' money, I'm sure they will let ya-"

I nearly dropped my cloak. "Soldiers?!"

Winton squinted. "Yes, soldiers. Is somethin' the matter with that?"

"I can't go with the soldiers," I said as my heart thumped hard so against my ribs I felt they may crack. If there was any chance of someone recognizing me, it would be one a soldier. Gallen and Irisidea may have been on awful terms, but diplomatic meetings were still very common up until a year ago. If they had ever visited Irisidea they would surely recognize me…Best to avoid any type of authority for a while. Especially those who served King Eddard.

"Can't you just direct me to a road or a map of some sort I can follow? I'm fine on my own. Really."

Winton glared at me, one bushy eyebrow raised. I needed to leave before he started to question me further. The trusting spell of the coin was waning back into suspicion faster than I would have liked.

"Well, the trail is clearly marked for most o' the way. It starts the next street o'er bu-"

"Thank you! I'll part with you here. You've been the best of help," I cut him off as I clutched my cloak a bit tighter. "If I ever return, I'll be sure t-"

I backed into something solid and nearly fell forward onto the dirt. Someone caught my arm, rebalancing me. My cheeks flushed and I pulled away from the figure.

"Oh, excuse me!" The apology was deep and warm. I bit my lip and turned around slowly, only to be greeted with armor and chainmail emblazoned with Gallen blue and green. A royal soldier's uniform.

I took a step back.

"Are you okay? Can I help you in any way?" He asked, holding a hand out. It was accompanied with a polite smile. It mattered not. I was instantly wary of him.

The man was tall and strongly built. He held his helmet under one arm and his white hair was half pulled back, his rugged features on display for everyone to see. It was the white hair that caught my attention. White was a color for the elderly, yes, but also some mages. A mage who possessed such a hair color usually had an abhorrent amount of access to magic. I had never seen anyone but an Arch-Mage with such coloring. As this man could not be older than thirty, he must have had power. And to wear it down so freely meant that he didn't care who knew. Could he be a soul mage?

My stomach rose to my throat. It was time to go. "N-no, that is quite alright. I have to be going now. Thank-you-excuse-me-good-day." The farewell came out in a rush as I turned away from both men and sprinted off. The soldier called out something but I ignored him, hurrying my pace. Only when I was a few buildings over and out of view did I slow.

The village was small enough that my dash had taken me to the edge. A large sign at the end of the village road listed a series of places and the approximate distance to each one. I scanned it, clutching my hands in fists.

Just as Winton had said, the capitol was a little over a fortnight out on horseback. That meant it could take me the better part of a month on foot. It had to be an exaggeration.

I looked down the dirt packed road that lead into the forest beyond Elnor. Surely, it wouldn't be _that_ far. It didnt matter anyway. I was going and that was that.

The first few hours on the road were energizing as I worked out my sore muscles and my clothes finally dried, albeit slowly. The forest surrounding the road was peaceful and the lush canopy from above gave sanctuary from the afternoon sun. All was quiet but for birdsong and the whispering of the wind through the emerald laden trees. I soaked in every moment of it, basking in the calmness of it all. While a few travelers passed me here and there, the road was relatively empty for long stretches at a time. For a great while, it was just me and my thoughts.

I had not been alone in a very, very long time.

A feeling of release settled over me as I realized this was the one of the few times in five years I was not within a mile of Daroth. I knew he would start searching for me himself if he hadn't already, and he would use means beyond men.

I thought back to when I had first met the Advisor that now plagued me. What a lovesick girl I had been. If I only had known then what I knew now, I wouldn't have loved him so.

My stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten in more than a day. Possibly longer.

_Great. And I have no food._

I pressed on, doing my best to ignore the hunger pangs, but within a few more hours I could not. I cursed my stupidity and moved from the road to sit. The hollow cramping grew stronger followed by a wave of nausea. Wrapping my arms around my legs and pressing my forehead to my knees, I thought through my options. I could not hunt. I did't know what was edible in the forest and it had been a good while since I had passed any other travelers on the road. All I could do was sit and wait and hope someone was willing to let me buy from their goods or share their evening meal.

_Stupid girl. You should have gotten some kind of provision before leaving. You have to go back!_

I was truly useless in every way possible.

I'd never last a month in Gallen just for the fact that I could not function normally. I had been so used to having everything handed to me and in return I was grossly unprepared.

I should go back...

But what if Daroth's men had tracked me to Elnor? Could I risk going back at all? Should I keep on going and just pray I didn't perish along the way? What a laugh someone would have when they find me, dead by my own pure idiocy.

Gods Above! I rubbed my hands on my face and groaned aloud.

The noise of incoming travelers interrupted my internal struggle. A chance to right my mistake! I could plead for them to take me on. I had the money. At the very least I ask for something to eat. I sat, ready to call out to the oncoming party. This could be my answer.

This could have been my answer. But they were wearing green and blue over chainmail. I quickly stumbled up to my feet, paling at the thought of being seen by them again, and slipped into the coverage of the forest. Fearing to lose the road, I crouched just as the group of soldiers passed. There were about a dozen and a half men, half as many horses, and a small supply wagon in all.

Go on. Don't stop here. Keep moving. I bit my knuckles to keep from crying.

"We will make camp here and get an early start tomorrow," Someone called out. I cursed again under my breath. Out of all the damned places to stop...

For a while I just crouched there, hidden and petrified, my stomach growling and reminding me just how much of an imbecile I was. Each moment I did nothing, the small camp came together that much more. The men milled about, completing various tasks they'd probably been assigned. Some built fires or pitched tents. Others wandered into the forest to hunt. None close enough to scare me from my paralysis but daylight was starting to fade fast. I was bound to be discovered by some soldier returning with his catch or a wandering soldier out for an evening reprieve.

My mind screamed for my body to move, to get away from there, and yet I stayed. I was so hungry.

A grey haired man shouted commands every so often. The Captain?

One of the men fed the horses from a large grain sack and then sat it on the edge of the supply wagon. There were many sacks. The probability that some kind of edible food was contained inside at least one of them was high indeed. I pressed my hand into stomach as it rumbled anew.

Sunset quickly faded into twilight, giving me more cover in the semi-darkness. I have very little time before it becomes pitch dark. Maybe an hour at most. I will leave, I tell myself, but first, If I can just reach that wagon, I might be able to sate my hunger. I will walk all night if I have to after that.

Keeping my hood up, I skirted around the clearing to the small wagon and searched deftly through the contents.

I pushed past bags of feed until I found a burlap sack full of apples. I can survive on this enough until the next village surely. This would work perfectly. I nearly smiled at my own cleverness. I might just make it yet!

The bag was heavy but I managed to pull it to the edge of the wagon. As I hefted it over my shoulder, someone spoke behind me.

"You know those are for the horses, right? I don't think they'd appreciate you taking their treats. Also it's a criminal offense to steal from the King's guard." I turned to see a soldier, his helmet obscuring his features.

The bag of apples slipped from my grip and thumped to the ground behind me. Some of the apples rolled into the wagon's wheel with barely audible thuds.

He took a step forward, reaching behind him. "Now come with me and-"

I didn't hesitate. I just ran, my hunger forgotten.

"Oh, you've got to be joking. Stop! Thief!" the soldier cried, sounding the alarm. The camp let out a cacophony of noise, stirring with the cry. Above it all, the sound's of snapping twigs and the crunching of underbrush echoed as the soldier pursued me.

I panted, stumbling forward with all my might. Forget staying close to the road. All I wanted now was to be as far away as humanly possible from anyone. I'd run straight into the heart of the forest and live off of acorns and berries if I had to.

I entered a small clearing and searched for a hiding spot. My eyes caught on a copse of trees and foliage up ahead. It was thick enough and off to the side that with any luck, I would avoid detection there. I knew I would not be able to outrun him for much longer, better to hide and wait him out. My breath was ragged but I stumbled forward, goal in mind.

"Oh no you don't!" The soldier caught my wrist, yanking me back with enough force to make my shoulder pop. I yelped as I landed a few feet short of a rocky slope, my head missing a large stone by inches. My whole body was trembling and vision swam. I sat up, putting a hand to my temple.

He took one step toward me, then two. Oh, gods.

I scrambled backward but he charged, tackling me to the ground and knocking my hood back. I blindly reached for the stone nearby as I fought him off. The man noticed and pushed it out of reach easily. In a fit of desperation, I reached out to claw his face though his helmet, yelling something unintelligible. He grabbed my arms and with little effort pinned them above my head with one hand.

The man snarled, reaching for something on his belt.

"Get off me you bastard!" I thrashed under him, bucking my hips. I would not go down without some sort of fight. They would have to kill me before I would allow myself to be sent back.

He paused and gasped

My body stilled as the panic I felt turned to ice.

_No._ _No. No. No. No_.

"It's you!"

_Oh Gods!_


	5. Chapter 5

"You're the crazy girl from the village!"

My eyes went wide with sudden recognition. He was the guard I had bumped into.

_Namina, you absolute idiot._

Teeth bared, I growled, "Yes. I am. Now can you get off me?"

He let go of my arms and took off his helmet. With a smirk, he lifted his weight from me. "Only if you promise not to run off. I will tackle you again if I have to. Honestly, I thought I was going to have to hold my knife to your throat to get you stop fighting me."

I conceded to not run. Begrudgingly.

He helped me to my feet with hands that were calloused and warm.

"So the apple thief is an apprentice of some sort? The elderly gentleman mentioned an apothecary after you ran off." I brushed the dirt from my cloak and clothes the best I could. My tunic and pants were coated with grime and I knew I reeked of river water and sweat.

"I'm hoping to catch up with my guild in the capitol." I kept my voice as level as I could and my eyes on the ground. I folded my arms against my chest to keep my shaking hands from giving me away.

"You seemed in a bit of a rush. Apparently, so much of a rush to not gather the proper supplies for the journey to the capitol but not in enough of a rush as you considered walking all the way there on your own. Did you figure it would be easier to steal from other travels on the way instead of asking for an escort or hitching a ride with a merchant?"

I glared up at him, ignoring the blatant mockery, "Look, I apologize for trying to take the apples. I don't do well around others that I don't know, so forgive me if I had seemed less than optimistic about traveling with a group of Gallen soldiers. In fact, the only reason that old man and I had even met is because when he found me he thought I was dead."

He held my stare for a brief moment. I felt myself caving, my bravado slipping away with the adrenaline of the chase.

"You hungry?"

I took a step back. That was not what I was expecting to hear. The soldier brushed the front of his uniform off and started walking back towards his camp, swinging his helmet lazily. I followed, unsure of what else I could do.

"How about we strike up a deal. An escort and meals for medicine. A few of my men are struggling under a nasty cold they can't seem to shake. We don't think its the Red Plague, All-Mother be thanked. Heal them and we will take you halfway across the continent and feed you all the soldiers rations you can eat. The stew is surpassingly better than half-rotted apples anyway."

I frowned. He was a mage. I knew that for sure. "Can't you heal them?"

"They see the hair and they think I'm a powerful soul mage. Every. damn time," he huffed, gesturing wildly. "Yes I have magic. No, I'm not that strong. Petty tricks really. And all elemental magic besides. My senses are sharper than the average person, though. Not magic per say, but perfect for a guard." He smiled.

I stared.

"You don't smile much do you? Alright. Well anyhow, do we have a deal?"

While I didn't know anything about medicine I could heal. I would have to figure something out to make it look like a more natural remedy. It was doable, but the other guards…if anyone recognized me…

At this point the risk seemed worth it. I'd never make it on my own. Besides, this soldier hadn't figured out who I was. I would just be on my guard with the rest of his group as well. At first sight of trouble I would run.

"Yes. We have a deal." We shook on it.

"I'm Rhys, by the way, Rhys Farrowlake. Second in command among this faction. Do you have a name?"

"Mina." I said, giving him the same stupid name I had given Winton once more. Because I couldn't learn my lesson the first time.

.

I stayed a few steps behind Rhys and held my cloak tighter to my shoulders as he led me into the center of the camp.

I was scared. I would freely admit it. The last thing I wanted to do was travel with these soldiers and yet here I was, entering the very throng of them. The stares were enough to make me want to dart back into the forest, curl up in a foxhole, and die.

A shorter and much older man, but still with a few inches on my own height, came up to us. He was tanned from travel and had a short and neatly trimmed grey mustache, but no other hair, and his uniform was slightly more intricate than the others. This must have been the man I had heard giving orders earlier.

I thought with my limited experience of meeting captains and generals that he looked battle-hardened, but at the same time still could be seen as a loving, doting grandfather. It was somewhat of an oxymoron but it worked in his case. He looked both approachable and someone you'd never ever want to cross.

"Farrowslake, what is with all the commotion? Something about a thief?" The man gave me a look down. I gulped, unable to look away.

"Who's the wench?" he asked gruffly.

Rhys was all manners, his voice loud and measured. "Captian Gerron, this is Mina. I'm requesting permission for her to travel with us to the capitol. She's lost her traveling party and I caught her stealing the horse's apples. She's not a very good bandit and I don't think she'd last long out here on her own."

Something in the captains eyes softened just a touch, giving me hope. He talked to Rhys without breaking eye contact with me. "You arrange the accommodations and she stays in your charge. I don't think she really belongs with a group of soldiers but seeing the circumstances I will allow it. Our mission is completed so she won't be in the way."

Rhys saluted the Captain. "Thank you sir."

I released the breath I hadn't known I was holding. Captain Gerron nodded before wandering back towards a larger tent, mumbling to himself about strays and women.

Other soldiers approached, watching us with peaked curiosity. I pulled the cloak even tighter around my shoulders. It had quickly become a comfort blanket against the unknown. From the last few says, it seemed the unknown was going to be my new normal.

"What is with the feathers on your cloak?" A large man asked. I suddenly became very aware of how I was dressed: a seemingly dirty peasant with a fancy white cloak. The only thing missing was a sign calling out "Imposter" around my neck.

"It was a gift from a hunter," I mumbled. A cruel heartless hunter.

"They look like owl feathers. That's an odd choice." He seemed genuinely confused why anyone would take the time to hunt an owl of all animals. Hawks, sure. Rabbits, wolves, and foxes of course, but not owls. They were seen as spiritual creatures across all four countries. The animal of the All-Mother. The southern countries such as Parth and Venerath held them auspiciously high.

"They are." No use lying. I rubbed a hand along the soft white feathers at the neck. I wouldn't lie but there was also no reason to explain to these men why I had it. Let them wonder.

"Let me introduce you to some the men." Rhys interrupted, "This here is Ren." he gestured to a dark-skinned young man with short black hair and broad shoulders. He wore a quiver of arrows across his back "He's probably one of the best archers in Gallen."

"Not likely." Ren shrugged. Modest. I was impressed. "My main duty is keeping Rhys here in line."

"And this is Bernard Mathenson." Rhys pointed to the larger portly gentleman, ignoring Ren's jab. "He is decent at sparring but his cooking is where the real battles are won. He keeps us alive."

Bernard laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "I try, Farrowslake."

He introduced a few more men to me. I tried to memorize their faces and names. It would definitely take a while and I wasn't sure I was up to the task. Or if I really wanted to. With luck, after a fortnight I would never see any of these men again.

Some of the men began to go back to their work. I wasn't as interesting anymore.

Good.

"Her hair is so long. Much like the Lady my father used to serve." I heard one of the soldiers whisper to another as they walked away. I didn't catch whom.

Rhys looked down at me, eyebrow raised. He had heard them too. "It is very long. You must spend a lot of time taking care of it. I knew of a woman who had hair like yours but even longer. It was her most prized possession."

It was getting unnaturally long, down nearly to my waist. With it, I was conspicuous. It would draw unwanted attention. I bit my lip.

"Do you have a knife I may borrow?" Rhys raised his brow higher but reached to his side and consented his knife to me.

"Are you going to kill anyone with it?"

I huffed in response. He was truly starting to grate on my nerves. _Insolent man._

He took note of the attitude and smirked. "You can keep it if you want. You seem like you might like the added protection. If you're nice I might actually teach you how to use it."

I scoffed again. He may have been helping me and I may have been grateful for that but it didn't mean I had to like him. Taking the knife, I went a few feet into the forest's dark protection.

Inhaling deeply, I knelt down.

As much as I loved my hair, I couldn't expect it not to be noticed. Only rich women really ever wore their hair this long. But how much could I bare to part with? I fingered the brown locks. Unbidden, a memory played in the back of my mind: Fingers in my hair, lips on my neck as they trailed downward...

If i was smart, I would cut it all off.

I played with the ends and kissed them, giving my own kind of final farewell to my long hair, before bunching it up in my hand.

Taking one more deep breath, I sliced the knife through my hair several times, shortening it to my shoulders. The release of weight I hadn't known was there is instant as I cut through each chunk. I bit back tears as I dropped the nearly fifteen inches of hair from my hands.

_Get over it Namina. Grow up for once._

This was necessary.

I slipped the knife into my cloak with shaking hands and walked back into camp. It took all my focus not to glance back at the pile of brown hair I had surreptitiously left in the dirt.

.

"Don't tell me you cut off all your hair because I made one little comment about it." Rhys said later when he found me sitting against a tree, my hands around my knees. He stood only a few feet away holding two bowls of soup and a bundle of fabric under his arm.

I had gotten lost in thoughts of home. How much I missed it. How much I didn't. It may have been hell, but I had experienced happy times there as well.

Rhys sat down beside me. I flinched instinctively at the closeness.

"Here." He held a bowl of stew under my nose. The light from the nearest fire danced across the surface of the liquid inside. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I caught a whiff of the water, vegetable, and meat concoction. As I reached for the bowl he pulled it away.

"Ah, ah. What do you say?"

I smiled sardonically, wanting to say quite a few things to him, none of them ladylike or pleasant. "Thank you, Sir Farrowslake." He chuckled and pushed the bowl into my hands before digging into his own.

With his mouth full he said, "Manners go a long way here, Mina. Remember that."

We ate in silence for a while. I looked over at Rhys between spoonfuls, studying his features. His white hair was loose around his shoulders and I realized with some ire that my newly shorn hair was about the same length. It framed a strongly chiseled jaw and aquiline nose. Everything about him said "friendly" and yet I still felt very on edge.

He noticed me staring. "What?"

I shook my head and looked away.

When the man named Ren walked up and asked Rhys a question in low tones, I turned my attention back to my soup, feeling petty for staring, and did my best not to listen in. I owed nothing to him, but he still deserved his privacy.

When Ren left, Rhys spoke, stretching out against the tree as he did, his hands clasped behind his head.

"We should reach the capitol city in a little over a fortnight. There are only seven horses and no room in our wagon so you will be riding with me. Unless you'd rather run alongside with the other men, that is."

Both choices left me with a queasy stomach, but I consented to ride.

"Glad that is settled."

"Could I be left alone for the evening? It's been a long day." The words came out before I could truly register what I was saying. Yes, I felt this way, but did I have to be so rude about it? It was too late. The words were said.

Rhys climbed to his feet, bowl now in hand. I had everything in one fell swoop.

"Ah. Yes. Well, here is your bedroll. With that I will leave you be to finish your dinner, my Lady. I didn't think you fully appreciated my company anyway."

I blanched. "What did you call me?"

"What? Lady? You act very prim and proper as if you were born stations above everyone you come in contact with. Not unlike some of the Ladies in Gallen City. My guess is your father is a Lord, maybe?"

My heart calmed slightly. He didn't know. But he had noticed my cold manners. I made a mental note to work on that.

"I'm sorry. My mother was a Parth courtier. Old habits die hard," I said, cheeks burning.

He nodded and bowed, a mocking gesture. "I knew there had to be at least some courtier in you. Well, I bid you good night."

"Goodnight."

I set my bedroll up a good ten feet away from most of the men and laid down, facing one of the many campfires. Every place my body touched the ground felt like stone, Dragging me down. Flattening me. The cold earth seeped through the thin cloth bedroll and into my skin.

Eventually, I drifted off into unconsciousness.

And then the nightmare began.


	6. Chapter 6

I dreamt I was in my father's study.

Or, at least, I thought was is a dream at first. The detailing, down to the decanter of velvet wine and gold stemmed glass cup astounded me. Even his small library was exactly as I remembered it.

My fingers grazed the spines of the books I had seen the thousands of times I had been ordered to this very room, the leather worn and soft to the touch. Out of all the places to dream up…

"Where are you, Namina?" The voice I had hoped to never again hear brushed against my neck, soft as silk.

It couldn't be. My eyes widened.

I turned to run, to flee from this nightmare, only to find myself pushed up against the bookcase at my back, his hands around my shoulders. The force sparked a bit of courage back into my soul.

"None of your concern, Advisor Daroth." I growled, struggling against his grip and clawing at his doublet.

"Ah, ah." He held me firm, squeezing my arms until I stilled under the pain. "It's King Daroth now."

He hadn't even waited to take up the throne. Anger coursed through my blood and colored my voice. "Good. You have your crown. Go ruin the world." I spat the words at him, "You deserve it."

His startlingly blue eyes impaled my very soul before his lips moved to hover a hairs breath from my cheek. My breath caught.

_Just a dream. _

This was just a dream.

"Why am I the villain to you?" His voice snaked like silk along my jaw with the accompanying heat from his breath. I felt his hands graze my shoulders, possessive and hungry. An uncontrolled shudder shot through me, but I could not give him the satisfaction of frightening me now. He couldn't hurt me anymore. This wasn't real.

I took a breath before speaking the words that were more truth than I wanted to admit, but they were the words I had lived with every day for months: "Because you _destroyed_ me."

There was a moment of terse silence. He finally released his grip on me and I stumbled away, bracing the back of a velvet chair for balance, panting with the effort to stay upright.

"I highly doubt that my dear. You seem as alive as ever. Too headstrong, too disobedient. I will see you broken. But this is not it." Daroth began to pace. I stayed against the chair, my quivering hands grasping the fabric for support. I managed a glare.

He had taken my kingdom and my very soul. What more did he want?

"I don't know what your definition of broken is then. What I do know is that in your hands, Irisidea stands little chance. It seems that everything you touch gets tarnished. Even people." I bit.

I made a run to the door. It wouldn't budge, the handle useless in my hands. I bit back a scream. Even in my own dreams he would keep me prisoner.

Daroth stopped his pacing. As his icy eyes turned their full attention back on me, he said, almost bored, "Escape won't come that easy, dear. Let us finish this now. I'll end this little rendezvous when you tell me where you are."

I stumbled away until at my father's desk, putting the large piece of furniture between us.

Enough of this.

"Why are you doing this, Daroth? Can't you just let me be? You have everything you want! You have your kingdom, you have your revenge, and you even have the surety that nobody suspects a thing. I won't ruin that for you. So, please, leave me be."

Daroth laughed, a rough dark sound. "You are right, little bird, I do have everything I want. Except the one thing I need the most." He narrowed his eyes at me.

I swallowed.

I knew what that one thing was.

I shook my head and plead, "Please just settle for this." I gestured wildly around the room. "I will let you keep Irisidea and the crown. You don't need our bond anymore. You are already powerful enough, aren't you? I won't even tell a soul how it all came to be. I'll never tell. Just let me go free. Let me go. Please."

A dark chuckle escaped his lips as he rolled his eyes. "Naïve little Namina. You know as well as I that I won't consider any deal that doesn't include you being at my side."

I stared down at my father's desk, parchment scattering the top.

This was a dream. This had to be a dream.

He continued, "I should whip you for running away. I should make you grovel at my feet and put you in chains, but right now I'm just glad to see you again. A King needs his Queen, no matter how dull-witted and pathetic she truly is. It's that Dorne blood in you, you know. Karthon and Signor were obstinate too."

As much as I had hated both men, hearing Daroth drop their titles and mock them so set my blood on fire. I fisted a handful of parchment.

"You are just like them." I said the words with as much venom as I could.

"And how could that be?" He tilted his head in mockery as he walked around to my side of the desk, his fingers tracing the edge ever so gracefully. His feigned innocence caught me off guard. It was a reminder of the time I had found him handsome and kind. That had been before my father had practically sold me to him. And sealed his own fate.

"Don't make me relive what happened, Daroth. I was always just a pawn in the game of power. They were as corrupt as you are and would have used you as you did them given the chance. The only difference is you beat them to checkmate… and you made me do it."

This was what he wanted: for me to remember what I did. To remember how responsible I was in everything he had done. I still shuddered at the thought of that night. At what he had made me into. Part of me had wanted to do it, to help him end them. But the more humane part of my soul wished I could take it back a thousand times over. He stood directly behind me now. I turned to face him as he leaned down and gripped the desk's edge on either side of me.

"Yes. And you did such a marvelous job. I still need to thank you for that." He smiled his cruelest smile, the one reserved just for me. I leaned back over the desk to avoid his touch. I should have ran but I couldn't move. I could only watch in terror as he closed the short gap between us, his eyes communicating to me the darker message behind his words.

"I want you back," he whispered. "I need you back."

"No." My reply was barely audible, but firm, "You don't."

The desk's surface shook under my hands as I supported myself.

I was always trembling. Always afraid of what he might do if truly provoked. Even now I knew I was walking a fine line.

"Let me go, Daroth"

Daroth shook his head. Then his gaze shifted slightly.

"You cut your beautiful hair." He fingered the shoulder length locks. "I'm very disappointed. It's just one thing after another with you, isn't it?"

My voice was only a whisper now, trembling and worthless. "I don't care how you feel."

"You have to make things so hard for me don't you? You always put up such a fight back in the palace. If you only you were more obedient. If only you would just give in instead of acting like a stubborn mule. We would already be wed and I wouldn't have to haunt your dreams." He leaned over me, inches away. I could feel his body heat now. Our breaths mingled.

"You haunt my reality." I whispered through trembling lips.

"I do?" My throat closed as he pressed himself against me and held me to him with one strong arm. I lost what balance I had and cling to his shoulders. He pushed me up onto the desk, my legs on either side on him. I should've screamed. But I couldn't. I was paralyzed.

"Good. It's only a matter of time before you're back where you belong. You won't last much longer out there, I promise you that." His other hand trailed down my side and slipped just under my tunic. My eyes widened at the touch. "But until then..." His lips lowered until his next words scraped against my own.

"Lets have some_ fun_ here shall we?"

.

I woke up screaming.

"Mina what's wrong?!" Rhys shook me. I struggled against him, hitting his chest and scratching at his arms.

Part of me was still there. With Daroth.

I startled fully awake, eyes wide and face flushed. Rhys looked down on me, panting almost as hard as I, his eyes wide. I pulled from his hold, not wanting to be touched. My hands rubbed my upper arms and I heaved in breath after breath, trying to dispel the feeling of being tormented once more.

"I-I'm fine. Just a nightmare." My face and neck were wet. My cheeks stung. I had been crying.

I dried my eyes with a back of a still trembling hand.

I flinched away, afraid Rhys was going to reach for me. "Don't touch me."

"You were yelling." His face twisted with worry but he backed up. "I couldn't tell exactly what you were saying but you were shrieking and thrashing. You kept yelling 'stop' 'stop' "

"It was just a nightmare. I'm fine. I'm fine." I said more to myself than to him. My eyes couldn't focus on any one thing. I kept feeling Daroth's hands on my skin, his lips on me as I had been pressed into the desk; it had been enough to bring me to my breaking point.

It had been so _real_.

Behind Rhys, some of the soldiers woke. A few sat up from their bedrolls. Others simply rolled over and ignored us. Only the captain in his tent didn't stir at all.

"What in the devil is that noise?" One called groggily.

"Its Farrowslake's new girl. I knew it was bad to have a woman at camp!"

"Shut it, Borif!" someone else griped.

Ren came over and sat on his haunches next to Rhys. Both their shadows washed over me now, suffocating me. "I was on duty when I heard the screaming. I thought maybe we had wolves in the camp or, you know, actual bandits." he gave me a pointed look. "Luckily, Rhys got here before I did. I checked the perimeter just in case. Nothing there."

It was too much. I couldn't breathe with them over me like this. I stood, my body still trembling and stumbled away.

"I need a moment."

I leaned against a nearby tree, trying to catch my breath. Rhys followed. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was soft, like that of someone addressing a child in distress. That's what he thought I was then: a child.

"What happened?" he prodded again.

"Just a dream." I wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve. I felt I owed him at least some explanation so I added, "A nightmare. About the man I was betrothed to."

That hadn't been only a nightmare. It somehow had been real.

Daroth still didn't know where I was but he knew how to still reach me. How to torment me.

Rhys pulled a face. "Was he that bad?"

I let out a heartless laugh. "Worse.

"Did he...?"

"It doesn't matter. The dream is over." Did he rape me? No. But that didn't mean he didn't violate me in other ways.

"Can't you make yourself a sleeping draft or something? I'm sure there is some kind of herbal remedy you could use. Maybe a tea?" It was actually a brilliant idea, but then the problem laid in the fact that I was not a true apothecary. I decided it was something I would look into, once I reach the capitol.

"I'm afraid I don't know how. I'm not very good at what I do," I relented through gritted teeth.

"Well, I'm sure we will figure out something."

We._ We._

I sighed and turned on Rhys, my upper lip curling. "Look. I know you are trying to help but you can't. This is not a 'we' problem this is a 'me' problem. So, please, just stay out of it." I made to go back but he blocked my path with his arm. My eyes met his. An equal amount of defiance reflected in those brown eyes.

His voice was firm. "It may be your problem, whatever it is, but you don't have to face it alone, Mina. Blocking anyone and everyone who might want to help from your life wont help the situation, whatever it is."

"I'm not sure this arrangement is going to work out. In the morning, I'll start on the road back to Elnor."

"We could just arrest you and charge you with stealing from the crown." he bit. The unsaid words were clear: I was traveling with their party to Gallen City whether I liked it or not. How I travelled there was my choice.

_Fine then._

I glowered and knocked his hand aside, heading back to my bedroll.

I sat down. There was no point in laying. Sleep would not be visiting me anymore this night. I doubted Daroth would try to reach me again but I was not foolish enough to let him try. I rubbed at my face.

The crinkling of grass near my bedroll warned me of my unwanted guest once more.

"I thought I had asked you to stay out of it."

He just sat there, using a nearby stick to poke at the embers of the evening's fire, stoking them. Someone had refueled it but it had ultimately failed to ignite. The heat emanating from what was left warmed my cheeks as he pushed the new wood deeper into the charred remains. After a few minutes the wood caught and the flames returned with the vigor of a starving man on feast day. As our small fire brightened, I noticed Rhys's forearms were covered with red lines. Scratch marks. That I had made.

I looked away.

Anything. The silence is was suffocating, the only sounds around us the chirping of crickets and crackle of fire. I wanted to say something. Words bubbled up my throat and I let them come.

"I was almost married to him," It took all I have in me not to put my hand over my mouth, to stop myself from speaking. My hands curled in my lap and I dug my nails into my palms.

"How long ago?" His voice was soft. He was afraid of what my reaction would be.

I should not have said anything. I should not trust this man, no matter what kindness he has shown me. I shook off the fear building in my heart.

"Does it matter?

"I suppose not. That's…interesting." he struggled with the words.

I looked up at the cloudless night sky to the pearlescent halo around the moon. "I don't love him."

I heard more than saw Rhys turn back to poking at the fire. "You've definitely made that obvious. So he's still alive."

It wasn't a question. "Very."

"He does not deserve you."

I scowled. He had no idea what I did or did not deserve, but the fact that he wanted to defend my honor hurt more. I turned to him, needing to distract him from this uncovered truth I had just bared.

Anger and embarrassment colored my words. "Why am I telling you any of this? What of you, Rhys? What secrets do you have to tell? If I am to divulge my past to a man I've only met then I suggest you start doing the same. Start with the most intimate details. Those are the hardest to share yet everyone wants to hear about them first. They prod and prod at you, never stopping, never satisfied, until all that is left is a raw husk of a person."

He huffed, dropping the stick. "Point taken."

Rhys sighed and sat back, leaning on his arms. "Fine, if you want to know about me, I will tell you. I suppose it's only fair. An answer for an answer." I stared into the darkness beyond the fire as his words found me.

"I was orphaned at eight and then raised in the mage's guild in Gallen City. They raised me with a firm hand and firmer words. A decent childhood if not strict. I resented the mages for a long time when I left but now I understand why they raised me so. I have a greater sense of responsibility and hard work ethic from the experience." His eyes were focused elsewhere, almost like he could see the memories in front of him.

He continued of his own accord, reciting his memories more for himself now than for me.

"While they wanted me to hone what skills I had to be used at the guild, I wanted nothing to do with them once I graduated. I applied for the King's army. If I'm going to obey like a dog, I'm going to at least choose my master. Now I am second in command in the Kings Guard, but to the mages who raised me, I am still a disappointment. Though, that is probably more because of the things I did specifically to piss them off more than anything."

The level of openness tempts me too much. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "I drank, partied, and bedded women. I'd not consider myself a cad but I don't have the strongest morals for someone raised in the guild. I was known pretty well around the taverns and brothels. They cringed at my reputation, begged me to clean up the act. It was the reaction I had wanted. It was a hollow victory. I left the guild on bad terms."

He laughed, shaking his head. It was a forced laugh.

Rhys met my eyes once more. "There. Does that satisfy you? Beg my pardon for prying into your past. You are correct: I have no right. I only want to know how I might help."

"I don't know how you could." came the softer reply. Even in Gallen, Daroth had his hand around my neck, dragging me down. It was beyond helping. I would never be beyond his reach.

Rhys stood and brushed off his trousers. "Well if you think of a way, let me know. We all have our demons, Mina. Yours might be bigger than mine, but when you are ready to face them, don't do it alone."

I nodded, somewhat touched at his words.

"Rhys?"

He looked back. Only half his face was illuminated in the firelight, the rest bathed in darkest shadow. Sharp edges of light and dark danced along his cheekbones, his nose. I let the corners of my mouth lift, just a little.

"Thank you."

"Ah, there it is! The infamous smile! I wondered when I would see one." While his words were cheerful, he didn't try mask his exhaustion. He bowed. "You're welcome, Mina."

I pulled my knees closer to my chest and stared at the once-more dying fire.

* * *

_Yes, this story is sort of angsty for a while. It doesn't get much worse than this sexually. I'd classify the story as STRONG PG-13._

_This chapter gives a really good insight into how Daroth treats Namina. While I'm not going to reveal the jest of everything for a while, he is very verbally abusive to her (among other things) and that plays in to her glum outlook A LOT. Also, I wanted to take the "bad-boy-wants-to-make-me-his-and-claim-me" a la SJM and turn it on its head. The dark and sexy guy isn't always the right guy and there is no excuse for crappy behavior such as what Daroth does here. Rhys has a grey past and is NOWHERE near perfect, but he has more scruples than Daroth has had in a long time. You'll see over time that both men have had their trials and misgivings but they went different directions in how they dealt with the situations._

_On the SJM note, I gave Rhys his name LONG before ACOTAR came out._


	7. Chapter 7

The fear of returning to that nightmarish experience with Daroth was enough to keep me from sleep for most of the night. As I watched the fire slowly smother once more, my mind whirled, replaying the dream. Replaying all the hateful words Daroth had spoken to me, all the taunts and jests. All the unwanted touches.

There had been a time when Daroth was good to me, when I had loved him with everything I had: soul, heart, and body. Then everything had changed, slowly at first, and later all at once. I had gone from the Crown Princess to nothing more than a tool in a quest for power.

So he was King now.

It figured that he wouldn't change trajectory even if I was missing from the equation. He had always known exactly what he wanted and exactly how to get it. Even from the very beginning.

Daroth had come to the palace in a permanent position when I was fourteen and he was twenty-two. He had risen quickly through the ranks in Shivport, a city on the coast and near the border of Parth, and eventually had caught my Uncle's eye when he had come for council meetings as an assistant to the advisor in his province at the time. No one really knew where the enigmatic young man had come from, but it never seemed to matter much. When the position of advisor for his province had come open, he had taken up the role with ease. As my Uncle's youngest Advisor, he had been quite charismatic and most everyone who'd met him would become enthralled nearly instantly, I included. I had always found him attractive when he had visited before, but at fifteen I was nearly a lady and he was man. My feelings for him sat deeper than surface level, the kind of feelings that made my stomach flutter and my cheeks burn. Unfortunately, the infatuation that ensued lasted years.

I still remembered the first time we had ever spoken.

It had been nearly six months after he had arrived. I had run off to one of the small private libraries of the palace to escape my tutor's harsh lecturing on proper royal protocol. As I was about to plant myself in an old overstuffed chair with a book of fables, he had entered the solace of the library.

Running into the man I had daydreamed about constantly was both exciting and terrifying.

"Advisor Daroth!" I curtsied.

"Princess Namina." He had acknowledged with a bow and a smile. His dark hair had been pulled back in a low bun, but a few stands fell curling across his brow, giving him an air of adolescence. "You are looking well today. How are your studies going?"

I had played with the spine of the book in my hands, looking down with embarrassment. Out of all the books in the library, I had grabbed one of the only tomes of children's tales. I hoped with all my soul that he couldn't see the color rising in my cheeks.

"They are fine. My tutor can be exasperating but it is only to be expected."

Daroth had laughed; A sound which thrilled me to the bone. I continued, heartened,

"While I do enjoy learning about magic I hate his constant droning on the ethics and application that magic should have in royal life. I'd much rather work in a hospital or learn history rather than the dry information of 'how to apply everything to politics'"

He coughed. "Well politics can be exhilarating at times. You just have to learn how to enjoy it. The challenge comes in decision-making. One wrong decision can mean exponential trouble. It keeps things interesting if the stakes are higher."

"I didn't mean to offend," I quickly added, my eyes going wide.

He waved it off.

"Oh, not at all. Besides, a beautiful thing like you would find politics boring. It can get pretty dry."

I startled at his words.

_Beautiful._

I had never seen myself as beautiful. Average, yes. Pretty, maybe. I was half-Parth and half-Irisidean and my looks thoroughly reflected that heritage: olive skin, lackluster brown hair, too soft around the edges to be svelte. I was not as exotic or lovely as some of the other residents of the palace. However, I had relished the compliment in the moment, tucking it deep into my heart.

"So, what are you looking for this day?"

Daroth smiled, taking a seat across from mine. "I am not looking for much. Just a small bit of reprieve. A quiet place to sit and rest for a moment. Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all!" I had said in an all too chipper voice. I was making a fool of myself. I tensed. "Have you been to this particular library before?"

He glanced around, fingers drumming the armrest. "I'm afraid to say I haven't. Even after nearly a year of living here I find that I have not seen half of this place."

"Ah, I see. Well, this happens to be one of my favorite places in the world."

And that was the truth. While the library was not opulent (In fact it was quite drab with the dusty bookcases and worn out sitting area lit only by rusted candelabras and a single window), I found it had a certain grace about it.

"I can see why. Its quite peaceful."

I bit my lip and opened my book to read. Unfortunately, all interest in myths and magic were gone. I could only stare at the illustrations.

A few minutes passed in silence. I risked a peek above the book and was surprised to find Daroth studying me.

His hands rested on his knees, his mouth set in a straight line. The baby blues of his eyes were the type I had read about in those frilly love stories, the type you could 'easily get lost in', whatever that meant. It took all I had not to stare back. I squirmed in my chair.

Suddenly, he cleared his throat and looked away. My eyes widened.

Was he embarrassed?

"Forgive me, I forget myself Princess. I was just thinking on some trying matters of state we have been dealing with lately. I did not mean to stare."

I smoothed my skirts. "That's quite alright, Advisor Daroth. I'm sure you have been very busy."

He relaxed and let out a chuckle. "The busiest. But I love it."

I smiled at his cheeriness.

Daroth had continued, "I do have to admit, as I looked upon you I was contemplating how nice it would be to become more properly acquainted. Perchance during the next ball King Signor holds you could save me a dance?"

It was my turn to blush. Well, to let my blush grow deeper. My cheeks were ablaze.

"I would. Thank you Advisor." I croaked. My gaze snagged on the grandfather clock across the room. A quarter after four.

"I think I must be off. Excuse me." I stood up quickly, my book dropping to the floor.

"Forgive me."

"Here let me."

We spoke the words at the same time. I bent to pick up the book just as Daroth did. He reached it first and straightened, holding it out to me. I reached for the book from his hands.

Unfortunately, as I took a step forward I succeeded in stepping on my damn hem.

"Oh!" My body pitched forward. His hands grabbed my upper arms but I still managed to collide with his solid chest. The blood that had finally started to fade from my cheeks came back with a vengeance.

"Are you alright, Princess?"

"Yes. Quite. Excuse me." I mumbled my response quickly and stepped back.

Flushed, I moved to make my exit.

"Well I must be off. I believe my father will be expecting me very soon and he can have quite a temper if I'm late." I lied, making my way to the door but sad to go all at the same time. I would make a complete fool of myself if I didn't leave now while I still had a trace of dignity left.

"I understand completely. I hope to see you again, Princess" Daroth said with a bow and another one of his smiles.

My had insides melted.

"And I you." I smiled and backed out of the library, clutching the book to my chest and adding fuel to the fire of my ever-growing crush on this young and charming advisor.

What an idiot I had been.

If I had known what the next six years would hold, I would have ran. Yet here I was now, laying on the cold hard ground in the middle of a Gallen forest, doing just that: running. A pathetic slip of a person running instead of facing her problems head on.

_You could never best him, you know. You are everything he says and more._

I hugged my arms around myself and closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to disappear forever.

.

The dappled light of morning and the scent of damp earth greeted me as I woke. I opened my eyes to a sideways view of the world: men putting out smoldering campfires, others gathering up bedrolls and tents to store in the wagon until needed again. Such mundane tasks on such a mundane morning. It was hard to believe I had made it through the night.

Rolling back, I stared up at the forest canopy, hands on my stomach, watching the kaleidoscope of greens, yellows, and near whites twist and turn as the leaves danced in the light breeze. If only time would stop right here and now. If only I did not have to keep going or risk the chance of being caught and dragged back.

As much as I wished I could just lay on the ground and become part of the forest itself, I rubbed my eyes and got up, pulling my bedroll with me.

What little rest I had gotten had only been a light doze. It was going to have to be enough for the long day ahead.

It did not take long to find Rhys. Or rather, he found me. He walked toward me, leading a horse by its reins. The scratches on his arms where hidden by leather gauntlets and chainmail.

"Good Morning!" he called merrily as he stroked the horse's nose. The animal was as black as pitch with warm brown eyes almost the same color as his. It nuzzled his hand.

I stepped back, my bedroll still clutched in my arms.

"You aren't afraid of horses are you?" Rhys tried to stifle his smile by coughing into his elbow.

I looked away, embarrassed. "Afraid? No. Nervous around large animals? Very much so."

Rhys barked the laugh he could no longer hold back before pulling on the reins to bring the horse closer. I held my ground and stared at the beast, even as I felt the bedroll lifted gingerly from my hands.

"Go on. Pet him. He loves it."

I timidly reached out a hand and touched the place between his neck and his ears. The velvet coat was smooth underneath my fingertips.

"This is Nightshade. And yes, he's named after the plant. I'm not the most creative person in the world."

I stared at Rhys, my brow furrowed. "The plant?"

"Nightshade. You know, belladonna…deadly… Ah, I see now." He ran his free hand through his hair. "You aren't an apothecary, are you?"

It's was simple question. It deserved a simple answer. I stood silent and watched the weak lie I'd built crumble down around me, leaving a bit more of me raw in its wake.

I obliged the truth. "No, I'm not. But I am a healer mage." I raised a hand and let my power flare, tingeing the air around my fingers a cool blue. "And I've always wanted to learn the ways of medicine. I'll still heal your men, Rhys. I promised that much…But there is no guild."

"So when we get to the capitol…"

I traced the feathers on my cape and keep my eyes downcast, the unasked question suspended between us.

Begrudgingly, I answered. "Who knows? Maybe I will find work? Maybe I'll continue on. Nothing is for sure."

"I can help you get a job."

This was too much. "You don't have to do-"

"No, I can. I'm almost sure there's a healer position opened in the castle complex. At least there was when we left two weeks ago. Those types of jobs usually take time to fill. I'll put in a good word for you. I know some of the other healers very well."

I smiled ruefully at the thought of the last true Irisidean heir working for the Gallen King. It would an interesting turn of events, and dangerous as well. Were I to be found out, I could be taken as a prisoner of war or worse, _killed_. It would be playing with fire. The war between our two countries may have been on standstill for over four decades but relations between them are bad right now. If Gallen were anything like Irisidea, something so brash would be seen as a reason to reignite the fight. On the other hand, there would be nowhere safer than with my enemies.

"I'd like that, I think." I silently promised myself that I wouldn't stay for long.

Rhys inclines his head. "So as a healer mage, what can you do?"

_Inflict pain and end lives._

"Heal minor injuries and sicknesses. With larger afflictions like plagues and terminal wounds, I can only help ease suffering or take part of the sickness away. My magic isn't strong enough to heal those on my own. I've knocked myself unconscious trying to heal before. Many a times."

We walked as we talked. Most of the camp had been packed up, the only sign of our encampment the freshly turned dirt on smothered campfires.

"I also suppose I have a small bit of spirit magic." That had been the part of my magic Daroth was so fond of. The part he had liked to make me use against my will.

"Really? You should show me." Rhys held out his hand.

I cowered back.

"No. I wont." The words were sharp as a blade's edge. I refused to even consider using that part of my 'gift' anymore.

The faint smile dropped from his lips. "I'm sorry. I get ahead of myself sometimes." He continued tentatively "If I may ask…was your betrothed a…"

I took a deep breath. "Yes. He has magic. But that matters little."

He took note of my mood and dropped the subject.

Good.

He was learning.

"We will be departing soon. I'm sad to say the accommodations you were given last night will be most of what you'll experience with us. Though, we should reach a town by the name of Blue Court by the weeks end and have lodging at the local tavern."

"I'll be counting the hours until then." And I meant it. Going from the lap of luxury to sleeping on the ground was an experience I didn't know I never wanted. I would have to learn to manage but knowing reprieve was a few days away was already like a salve.

His laugh was warm and throaty, the jovial mood back in full force. He ran his hand along Nighshade's neck. "I thought so. Now, shall I help you onto the horse?"

.

Riding on a horse with a man was a shocking and highly embarrassing experience for me at first, having to sit with my arms around his middle, my chest nearly flush with his back. I do not think I had ever blushed so hard as I did that first day against Rhys's back, our bodies in such close proximity.

"You aren't my corset, Mina." Rhys huffed that first afternoon. I felt my ears turn red with the flush of blood.

"Sorry. I'm sorry." I released the death hold and settled for gripping the fabric of his uniform instead.

Soon enough, we found our stride. We became comfortable with the closeness of the journey quite quickly and I found myself searching Rhys out instead of avoiding him by the end of the two week journey. He became the calming salve my anxious mind needed to get me through to the capitol, steady and real as he was. Even through this breakthrough, however, my conscience screamed not to trust, screamed to run and hide. I was still the mouse I had always been.

After the first two days of traveling, I even came to appreciate Nightshade. He was a strong creature with mild temperament that carried both Rhys's and my weight with ease.

Between the fear of Daroth invading my dreams again and camping under the stars on not much more than earth, I got little rest, but I managed. When I did sleep, I clutched the knife Rhys had given me against my chest. It would offer little protection from my dreams, but the idea of maybe being able to defend myself in waking was a comforting notion.

Day by day, our surroundings morphed from dense forests to farmland. Our sleeping arrangements transformed from outdoor bedrolls to beds in small inns on the outskirts of whatever village we came across.

One of the many benefits of being the King's Guard was that you really didn't have to pay for anything. The host or hostess of whatever inn we found ourselves at usually welcomed us as honored guests and even when they didn't, the risk of being commandeered made the innkeepers cooperative and the lowest price possible offered. Our party was not huge, sixteen total, myself included, so Rhys made it a point to get me a private room or arranged for me to sleep with another woman. I was grateful for that. Sleeping under an open sky with these men was one thing, but to share a room with them would be dangerous.

While the beds in the inns were bleak compared to my feather bed back in the palace, I enjoyed every minute in them.

The fear of Daroth eased with each passing day and with no more dreams, the fear that plagued me gave way to simple wariness. While anxiety still came and went, my mood, according to Rhys, was downright jovial when compared to when he had first met me.

"You almost seem to like us now." He joked when we stopped to water the horses one afternoon later into the journey. The sky was clear and an early fall breeze had made the ride more enjoyable than usual.

I smiled sardonically as I use some of the water from the small creek to clean my arms and face. "Yes. It would seem so."

Rhys pursed his lips. "Though, it has me worried..."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What if the reason you're so friendly isn't because you find our company to your liking, but because you know our journeying is almost at an end? I think you're planning our demise and that brings you satisfaction."

I harrumphed, shaking water from my hands. "Funny, Farrowslake. You're hilarious."

This only spurred him on.

"Ren!" he called over to his friend across the way. "I'm starting to wonder if our lady-friend here isn't a danger to us all. She did try to steal from us and she now holds a knife in her possession. What do you suggest?"

"You gave me the knife" I defended, rolling my eyes.

Ren studied us. His eyes sparkled despite his rigid demeanor and hand on his hip. He wiped the perspiration off his dark brow, looked at me with a straight face, and said, "The only danger we have is our friend Rhys making a fool of himself. He's quite good at that, unfortunately."

Laughter bubbled in my chest. I coughed to hide it. "Yes. He is isn't he?"

Rhys pretended to look affronted. Acting was not his strong suit. "Never mind you lot. I have better things to do than take a hit to my self-esteem."

"Well I have more important things to do than assist Rhys here in his attempts to flatter you. Mina, good day." Ren saluted with a smirk and sauntered off.

Rhys guffawed. "Me thinks he's such a wise-ass. I should ask Captain Gerron to demote him. Or I could just…" One corner of his mouth perked. He was about to do something stupid.

"Watch this."

He gestured in the air and one of Ren's boots caught fire. A very small fire, but still enough to do some damage. I watched with horror and then amusement as Ren stomped the ground furiously, cursing and yelping. It took stepping into the creek to put out the flame, and by then, he had attracted most of the the other guards' attention.

"Farrowslake, I'll kill you! That's my second pair of boots you've ruined!" we heard followed by the chuckling of others. Even Captian Garron was amused, although his stern expression hardly changed.

Rhys laughed, entertained by his own jest. I snorted, no longer able to hold it back. He laughed harder.

Some of the men laid prostrate on the ground, others relaxed against trees or merely stood around talking to one another. Captian Garron sat on a fallen log, talking with one of his men. He noticed my staring and merely nodded before returning to his conversation. The mood was calm. No coughing to be heard.

"They seem to be holding up after the healing." I said to Rhys. Thomas, one of the younger soldiers, joined us. A short stocky blonde with quite the temper, but he could be sweet. I had seen him punch a soldier in the mouth out of anger and then laugh with him in the same hour. He flashed a dirty look towards Rhys at the prank but then smiled at me.

"Yes. You've quite the gift there, Missus Mina. An apothecary and a healer!"

I smiled as my insides turned. Thomas still thought I was part of a guild. They all did. It had been easy enough to trick them: a few leaves boiled in water I had called a 'tea' and close enough proximity to heal them magically. Only Rhys knew the truth.

"I think it's time to move on. Almost home!" Captain Gerron called. It was met with mixed enthusiasm. We were still a few days out, truth be told.

Thomas sighed. "I can hardly wait. It's been over a month since I've had Marta's cookin'." His wife, I gathered from the forlorn look. He headed over to the supply wagon.

I watched as some of the other men finished brushing down their horses and helped Rhys with our own.

"About the healing position I told you about," Rhys hesitated, suddenly absorbed in a small stain on his tunic. "If you want to wait a while in the city, and if the position is still open, I will make a plea to hire you. It shouldn't take too long. You seem a good friend and the palace could use a sensible healer such as yourself."

I nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. Were we friends? It had only been a little over half a fortnight. The gesture was still overwhelming.

_Friends._

My heart ached for Mara. My confidant and friend. The one person I had regretted leaving behind in Irisidea.

'You'll never be free if you don't try, Princess.' She had told me as I put on the stablehand's outfit she had given me. The clothing I still wore. It was cleaner then.

She was the reason I had escaped. I only wished I could see her now. I wondered what she was doing. Did she stay at the palace or return home to the south? Wherever she was I hoped she was happy.

"Mina?"

I startled. I had been staring at nothing. "Sorry. I get lost in thought."

He shook his head. "You're a puzzle, Mina. One day I'm going to solve you."

The words were so innocent, but they brought back memories of Daroth saying much the same thing. Only his words had held maliciousness, not merriment.

Rhys helped me onto Nightshade before climbing on himself. I wrapped my arms lightly around his waist once we were situated.

"Thank you. For everything." I mumbled. I found I was content here with these men, but my soul still ached. Everything was still fresh.

_In time,_ I told myself. _I will heal in time._

Rhys's words were soft as he replied. I felt them vibrate through his chest and against my own.

"It's been my honor, Mina."


	8. Chapter 8

**Three years Ago**

"I'm glad we are friends," Daroth had once said.

It was a few months after our encounter, and as was custom for the court, had to be a flamboyant and grand affair. I hardly remembered what it was for, just that it was the usual event of the season. While I had loved dancing and parties, I always hated how much the aristocracy of Irisidea wasted the peoples money just to have a good time.

The night of the ball came.

I had been a moody young woman at the time and was open with my thoughts. During these lavish balls my family threw, I would show my dismay by staying in a corner all evening or just not showing up at all. This night was different.

"Presenting her highness the Princess Namina Kalea Dorn, Daughter of High Prince Karthon and Niece of our Beloved King Signor." The voice boomed from beside me. I bounced on my toes, anxious to be down on the ballroom floor already. Beside me stood my father, one hand on my shoulder as a reminder to behave and my uncle on the other side of him. Both men were garbed in Irisidean gold and black.

I always had hated the announcing of titles, standing poised on the grand stair while courtiers and noblemen stared at us, but I grinned and stood proud as my father and uncle were announced.

Tonight's affair was in celebration of the good harvest that year, the colors decorating the large room consisting of warm browns and muted oranges that somehow did not clash with the tall stained glass windows or the black and white marble checkered floor. An abundance of food was set out at one side: pickled meats, apples in all varieties and desserts, spiced wines and warm pastries. My eyes searched for Advisor Daroth through the crowd of silk-clad women and men in finely detailed doublets and sashes corresponding with each city or Provence of Irisidea of which they hailed. I did not know what he would be wearing or when he would be arriving, just that he had promised me a dance and my young heart would not stop skipping until I had gotten that dance, gods help me.

I wrung my hands as I searched. He had to be here somewhere.

A voice cleared behind me and I turned, my heart rising then sinking just as fast as I came face to face with one of the other Advisor's son: a scrawny but tall boy who flirted with the servants whenever he visited court. I was pretty sure he had bedded at least one.

He bowed low, his mop of straw colored hair barely moving with the gesture. He must have waxed it. "May I have this dance, Princess?"

I obliged.

His name was Renken and that was the most interesting thing about him. As his left hand found mine, his right hand fell a little too low on my waist, but there was little I could do as we were swept away into the dance with the music. With each step and clasping of hands, we danced in near silence. Once or twice, Renken noted something about the room or about the cost of his new horse. I merely nodded and glanced over his shoulder, hoping to catch sight of Daroth. Where was he?!

Finally, the song ended and Renken walked away without so much of a goodbye, irritation slathered across his thin features. I suppose he was expecting a bit more conversation or for me to faun over him.

Too bad.

Another boy took his place soon after and then another. On and on it went with other young men I did not admire or respect who spoke only of their own wealth or attractiveness. Riches and women. That's all they cared about. That's all they would continue to care about. One day, they would pass it on to their children. Money and lust. My "loved ones" were the worst. Both of them kept many lovers as if for sport. There was hardly a week when my father did not have a new woman in his bed.

It sickened me.

The ball was nearly over and I was growing tired of keeping an interested face. I couldn't dance with anymore of these boys without losing my sanity or embarrassing my father with a rude comment. To take refuge, I joined some of the girls my own age who stood absorbed in their talk of men and court gossip.

It was always the same with these people.

With all this talk of wealth and fashion, one would think that the whole kingdom was a prosperous haven to all who abode within its borders, but no. There was a wide gap between the rich and the poor that seemed to constantly grow wider. My uncle had no plans of changing that.

After only a few minutes I felt that I would scream. This was a stupid idea. I should have stayed in my chambers with a book rather than to try to woo one of my uncle's Advisors. Had I really been that stupid? I walked towards the large doors that led out into the palace complex, letting all my teenage angst seep into my thoughts when I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

Can't I just leave in peace?

I sighed and turned, ready to tell whatever suitor who wished to dance to leave me the hell alone when I found myself looking into those startling blue eyes. My jaw dropped.

"Advisor!" I squeaked, dropping into a curtsy.

"Princess Namina," he bowed. "May I have the next dance?"

With that one moment, my mood changed from angry and tired to giddy and pleased like the flip of a coin. I let him lead me out into the fray of dancers.

"I saw you dancing earlier. You looked lovely." The comment caught me off guard.

"I didn't think you were here tonight."

He pressed his lips together before shrugging. "I had planned on finding you forthwith but ended up in a heady conversation about taxes and the evasion issues one Lord seemed to be having in his city. Trust me. It was painful to be stuck in such talk while you were cavorting with such men of high breeding."

I did not know if he was serious or not, but found the sentiment of high breeding laughable. "Well it pains me to tell you, Advisor, that all that cavorting was only done out of survival. I did not enjoy myself if it makes you feel better."

"Let me make it up to you then." he smiled before spinning me in time with the music.

We danced the next three dances before the ball ended, making more small talk and occasionally laughing at this thing or that.

When it all had ended and everyone had started to return to their lodging or personal quarters within the palace complex, the young Advisor caught my hand.

"May we meet again some time?"

I blushed. "I would like that very much."

At first we only saw each other by chance. Then we would make it a habit to bump into one another in pre-appointed places of the palace during certain days just to say hello and exchange a few words. We would laugh in those brief little moments, sharing a bit of gossip or words of encouragement. They had made bad days better and good days even more so.

I loved having a secret friend to talk to that my father didn't control. High Prince Karthon was a stern man who liked order and wanted things to go his way, as was fit for a second in command. Unfortunately, as I was the one thing he had trouble controlling, I was the one who he would focus on from time to time if things in Irisidea were too calm. I had an attitude that needed to be tamed he would tell me. I was a thorn in his side and too much like my mother had been. He would say the words often.

I loved it when he compared me to my mother.

What I didn't love is how he would make his responsibility to know who was in my life and what I did at all times of the day just to spite me. For this I was giddy to have something that he could not dictate. And with a man I found to be handsome no less.

After I had turned seventeen, Daroth started taking more of a notice to me in a romantic way. I would catch him staring at me during state dinners and our exchanges became more and more frequent. There were excuses made to kiss my hand or touch my hair. I relished in it and gladly welcomed his affections.

Soon we were meeting together for longer periods of time and in more private locations.

Daroth would tell me of the council's many workings and what the other six advisors thought about whatever policy they were attacking that week. Ultimately all decisions were made by the King but he had seven advisors who represented different parts of Irisidea, one high advisor and six lower, to help him with various kingdom management. Daroth was the youngest and lowest advisor at the moment, but one of the advisors was ailing in health. It wouldn't be long until he moved up in rank.

I, on the other hand, had very little to share other than what I learned from my tutor, but I listened intently to his stories, wanting him to know that despite my lack of experience in political matters, I cared about what he did for Irisidea.

Everything between us changed the day we had met in the vine covered pergola near the lake.

I had worn my favorite dress at the time, an off-the-shoulder chiffon peach gown with floral detailing along the hem.

"Princess Namina," Daroth had said as he kissed my hand.

I blushed and curtsied. Despite everything, we still went through the proper motions whenever we met, even in secret.

"Advisor Daroth."

He took my arm and led me through the intricately decorated gardens that rimmed the water. This was one of the many places we liked to spend time together. It was secluded and peaceful and surprisingly never busy. A perfect getaway.

On this specific walk we stopped underneath a willow tree on the bank. I looked up and touched one of the hanging branches, letting my fingers trail down the smooth leaves.

I turned to see Daroth looking at me with such intensity that I nearly stepped back.

"Advisor?" I asked.

He seemed to hesitate for just a moment before moving towards me and taking my hand in his.

"I'm sorry. I've waited so long and I know its improper, but… Princess… may I kiss you?" I felt the blood rush to my cheeks at the words. They were a surprise but not unwanted. I nodded, biting my lip. My heart pounded out of control. I wanted this.

So badly I wanted this.

He leaned forward and put his hand on my cheek, warm and soft against my skin. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel as his lips touched mine. The kiss was chaste but it still made me feel light, like I was floating on a cloud. My heart could have soared above Irisidea if I had let it. I smiled when he withdrew and opened my eyes. Daroth had smiled back before leaning in for another kiss.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time." He said softly, his forehead resting against mine. He brushed my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"As have I." I whispered, looking into his eyes and trying to absorb everything about this moment.

It had been my first kiss.

And it had been, in my mind, perfect.

After that day, we had started to kiss more and more. Slowly at first, but soon more passionately. Nobody knew of our meetings and exchanged kisses. It was our secret to be shared. Our bit of the world hidden from everyone else. Our topics of conversation had turned from court dealings to personal matters of the heart like hopes and dreams. I was falling head over heels for him and I thought he was for me as well.

It had been a time of ignorant bliss.

.

I sat at dinner beside my father. The talk was bland and I all but ignored everyone.

I was bored. Nobody cared.

I gazed off into space, uninterested in my dinner. My fork kept piercing the leafy greens on my plate rhythmically. Leyla, a courtier near my age shot me a look of disdain. For my horrid manners or jealously at my position I knew not.

It was always the same.

In reply, I curled my lip just slightly and resisted the urge to slump in my chair.

To my left, movement caught my eye. The large doors to the dining hall were open to allow a decent airflow in the summer heat. Through them, I caught sight of Daroth, his hands full of papers, as he walked by.

Maybe I could help.

It would be better than wasting away here, anyway.

"May I be excused, my Lord?" I said quite suddenly, addressing my father and standing at the same time. A servant hurried over to pull my chair back for me.

The room silenced and most of the other nobles stared. Lord Karthon looked up at me, suspicious. King Signor frowned but otherwise ignored me.

"Is there a reason you are not wanting to stay for the other courses, Namina?" His tone held a warning.

I placed my hand on the flat of my stomach. "It's been a tiring day and I feel faint. I would hate to bother everyone if I were to become ill."

I had to catch up with Daroth.

"Fine." my father grumbled and waved me away like I was one of the servants. He turned away from me and back to King Signor.

I nodded to the servant who still held my chair and walked as quickly as I could while maintaining the dignity a royal should have.

Once I had cleared the dining hall I nearly sprinted to find him. As I rounded a corner I paused.

I had found him, but he wasn't alone.

Daroth stood with Rane, one of the young men from the higher nobility, talking low and fast. The papers that had been in Daroth's hands were now in his. I frowned.

Why Rane?

He was a man of sour demeanor who would have been handsome were it not for his personality. He had dirt blonde hair and pale blue eyes much like Daroth's and he was handsome in the ways a woman liked. He just never smiled.

Ever.

It must have been tiring always looking down on others, for that seemed his favorite sport other than swordplay. Condesending and dangerous. I had always stayed out of his way as much as possible when he was in court but I couldn't help wonder now why he was talking so adamantly with Daroth.

They looked to be…well…friends. How did they know one another? They weren't even from the same territories. Rane hailed from the West near the Soul Mountains and Daroth from the South.

I listened to their conversation the best I could.

"The black guard is training as we speak."

"Good. I've had word from High Prince Karthon that offensive exercises are a go. These are the documents you need in order to clear the border." Daroth sounded relieved, his shoulders relaxed.

It was just more military business. Nothing new. Nothing interesting.

"And Advisor Quentin?"

"Taken care of. Just follow the orders."

"Daroth, are you sure…" Rane's voice dropped low as he noticed my presence. He turned toward me and my guilt at eavesdropping surged.

Steeling myself, I walked gracefully toward the men.

"Advisor Daroth. Lord Rane."

Both men bowed. Daroth raised an eyebrow at me, questioning. He had known I should have been at dinner. Rane just scowled.

"Princess Namina. How do you fare this evening?" Rane's tone was terse. Like he really cared.

"I am well. Thank you. And you?"

"I would be better if you weren't underfoot."

The audacity! My cheeks flushed pink. "Lord Rane, I-"

"We are currently in the middle of something, Princess if you do not mind." Daroth intervened, cutting off my heated reply. I glanced from one face to the other. Both could have been cut from stone.

Daroth felt the same as Rane it seemed.

Oh gods, I'm an imbecile. I shouldn't have followed him.

"Y-yes, well, I apologize. I will leave you two then. Have a good night." My face burned. I quickly walked around the two men and started towards my chambers.

"Oh, and Princess..."

I paused and turned back at the sound of Daroth's voice. His eyes sparkled with slight humor. Rane still looked agitated.

"I have a few things I would like to discuss with you about your training. Would you care to meet me in the council room in an hour?"

I understood what his true meaning was. "I will see what I can do, Advisor. Goodnight."

When I was out of sight I let out a deep breath. It was a small relief to know Daroth still cared for me. Sometimes, keeping distance from one another was hard. We had to be so cold towards one another to keep up the charade. While I knew that he loved me, it still made me question "us" when he looked at me with such little interest. Maybe it was time I slowed things down.

Oh, do grow up, Namina. You are eighteen years old for all the gods sakes. Act like an adult.

I met him in the council room at the prescribed time, regardless.

Like I said, I couldn't stay away.


End file.
